im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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