so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
