Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
