Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
