i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
