I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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