we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
