We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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