i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
