She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
