Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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