Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Randomize
