The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
