Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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