and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
