Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
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