Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I want her autograph on my taint
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
