I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
There are leaves in my underwear?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
