dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
