oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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