I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
