just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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