new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
