All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
