arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
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