You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
