I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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