We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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