Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
