How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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