11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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