so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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