How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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