I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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