It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
