He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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