Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Randomize
