Screwed.edu
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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