her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
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