addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
