I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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