i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
