God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
