its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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