i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
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