so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
