Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
