This girl is more easily done than said...
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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