Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
