I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
